In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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