Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
