She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
