There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I smell stomach acid.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
