I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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