I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
