I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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