If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
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