My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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