I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
