He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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