Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
