im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
