I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I think I died a long time ago.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
