Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
