I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
