Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
