Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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