I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
