when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
