I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
