By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
