Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
