i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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