singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
