oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
