lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
