eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Randomize
