i will never coherently bang her
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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