so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
