Having a random hookup so left but love u
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
