he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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