I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
