i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
