If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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