her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
