i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
