I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Randomize
