I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You pole danced in your parka.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
