The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
