I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
a search helicopter?!
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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