god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
