Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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