The maid of honor just puked.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
