i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
