I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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