I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
