Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
