Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
