my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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