I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
