He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
