I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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