Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
