dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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