did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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