Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
